The annual occasion that is Mother’s Day, which came around again last month got me thinking. Every year we celebrate Mother’s day and every year people rush to post a selfie of themselves with their mother on social media. They talk about how much they love and appreciate their mothers, but I wonder if this is the only day people recognise how much our mothers do for us, or if they’re just posting on social media for so-called “likes”.
As a society we have changed the way women can live their lives. We can vote, work at whatever job we choose, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s only the law that has changed and not the mindsets.
As a mother, you are still expected to act a certain way by society, or risk being judged if you don’t, usually in a subtle and perhaps non verbal way. The vast majority of mothers still cook for the whole family, don’t say anything out of turn, mind the kids while the men go to work (generally speaking). And while it’s true we have more choices today, does our biology still curtail many of these? In this article I will talk more about how little mothers are appreciated for all they do and how they are viewed by society.
Mothers? Where to start? Some people compare theirs to angels while others appreciate them but never truly understand how much they do for them, until it’s their turn to be a mother. Little things always seem to go unnoticed; an outing they were looking forward to for ages but cannot attend because you happened to be sick and they chose to look after and comfort you instead, their judge of character when it comes to your friends (as opposed to our lack of same!), informing the principal someone is picking on you at school to insure it won’t happen again. Or when you’re older coming in from the pub not remembering how you got home and having them look after you anyway. The list goes on of how much they care for us and how little credit they receive for it.
Who are the real Superheroes?
As a society we hear a lot of talk about Superheroes and Role Models. But this can be a fused minefield which our mothers help steer us through. Superheroes or Role Models usually refer to such luminaries as ‘Spiderman’ or ‘Justin Bieber’, and can travel the spectrum from the light and trivial (the above mentioned) to the downright dangerous. In my eyes it is our mothers who are our true superheroes. However, were you to admit that openly you might get laughed at – depending on your age! I couldn’t imagine saying “my mother is my superhero” in school without a laugh interrupting or a punch in the shoulder.
Still to the present day women find difficulty finding equality in certain situations. For example, when trying to find a new job companies are reluctant to hire women of a certain age as they don’t want to have to grant maternity leave. This is illegal in Ireland at present, however it still happens. And despite all the campaigning and recent uproar there’s still a big pay gap between what men and women earn in many professions, even when they’re doing the same job. In this day and age we shouldn’t have to fight for more money because of our gender. When becoming a mother sometimes unexpectedly, women also have huge problems, and often can find it very hard to get help, not helped by the fact many men shirk their responsibility here too.
As a society, in my opinion, we put too much pressure on being or becoming a mother. It’s assumed it’s the natural choice every girl has to make. And if they find themselves pregnant it’s implied they have to give up what they wanted to do just to rear the baby. Rarely is the father’s role in this scrutinised.
In the past women were put on a pedestal for their role of being a stay-at-home mother. The system changed over time as we now have more choices. However, as I said in the opening paragraph, I wonder if it’s just systems changing and not mindsets. Society refers to women who are ‘old fashioned’ in the present day as ‘wifey.’ This mindset puts more pressure on mothers to act this way and makes them feel like they can’t be themselves anymore, which is why they sometimes don’t want to be a mother in the first place as they feel they will lose their identity.
Speaking about role models, I can’t think of a more appropriate one than Mary Robinson, elected in 1990 as Ireland’s first female president. She spent her entire life campaigning for women’s rights and demanding the right to contraception (as far back as the early 70s before it was trendy!), as well as calling for the legalisation of divorce, allowing women to sit on juries and the right to legal aid in civil legal cases in Ireland. She is, over time, Ireland’s most popular president, at one point winning 93% rating among the electorate. She then went on to be the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights where she continued to do great humanitarian work. Robinson was succeeded as president by Mary Mac Aleese (legal advisor to the Campaign for Homosexual Law Reform from 1975 to 1979) and someone who has stood up fearlessly against discrimination. Both admirable role models.
From the entertainment business another role model is Hollywood actor Kate Winslet, famously known for her role as Rose in James Cameron’s Titanic. In a recent interview with ITV’s Lorraine, she talked about working with her daughter, Mia Threapleton, on Dominic Savage’s brilliant ‘I am Ruth.’ The mother of three talks about how mothers find it difficult raising teenagers in this generation, especially since the onset of social media. She told Lorraine how she spoke with the director, Dominic Savage, before filming the show about ideas they had around being a parent to teenagers, which inevitably led to the topic of mental health. They discussed how mental health is impacted so much by social media and the unrealistic view it offers to teenagers often resulting in them feeling alienated from their family. The show covers difficult yet truthful topics, lifting the lid on the fractured relationship many young girls have with their mother today. This breakdown, and the dynamic played out between mother and daughter on Channel 4’s ‘I am Ruth’ makes it compelling viewing. You can still catch up with it on demand which I would highly recommend.
To finish off I would like to say a big thank you to all the women who have changed our futures for the better. Also to all the mammies out there who raised us, without whom we wouldn’t be here. Your good deeds will never go unnoticed.
By Niamh Byrne
The annual occasion that is Mother’s Day, which came around again last month got me thinking. Every year we celebrate Mother’s day and every year people rush to post a selfie of themselves with their mother on social media. They talk about how much they love and appreciate their mothers, but I wonder if this is the only day people recognise how much our mothers do for us, or if they’re just posting on social media for so-called “likes”.
As a society we have changed the way women can live their lives. We can vote, work at whatever job we choose, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s only the law that has changed and not the mindsets.
As a mother, you are still expected to act a certain way by society, or risk being judged if you don’t, usually in a subtle and perhaps non verbal way. The vast majority of mothers still cook for the whole family, don’t say anything out of turn, mind the kids while the men go to work (generally speaking). And while it’s true we have more choices today, does our biology still curtail many of these? In this article I will talk more about how little mothers are appreciated for all they do and how they are viewed by society.
Mothers? Where to start? Some people compare theirs to angels while others appreciate them but never truly understand how much they do for them, until it’s their turn to be a mother. Little things always seem to go unnoticed; an outing they were looking forward to for ages but cannot attend because you happened to be sick and they chose to look after and comfort you instead, their judge of character when it comes to your friends (as opposed to our lack of same!), informing the principal someone is picking on you at school to insure it won’t happen again. Or when you’re older coming in from the pub not remembering how you got home and having them look after you anyway. The list goes on of how much they care for us and how little credit they receive for it.
Who are the real Superheroes?
As a society we hear a lot of talk about Superheroes and Role Models. But this can be a fused minefield which our mothers help steer us through. Superheroes or Role Models usually refer to such luminaries as ‘Spiderman’ or ‘Justin Bieber’, and can travel the spectrum from the light and trivial (the above mentioned) to the downright dangerous. In my eyes it is our mothers who are our true superheroes. However, were you to admit that openly you might get laughed at – depending on your age! I couldn’t imagine saying “my mother is my superhero” in school without a laugh interrupting or a punch in the shoulder.
Still to the present day women find difficulty finding equality in certain situations. For example, when trying to find a new job companies are reluctant to hire women of a certain age as they don’t want to have to grant maternity leave. This is illegal in Ireland at present, however it still happens. And despite all the campaigning and recent uproar there’s still a big pay gap between what men and women earn in many professions, even when they’re doing the same job. In this day and age we shouldn’t have
to fight for more money because of our gender. When becoming a mother sometimes unexpectedly, women also have huge problems, and often can find it very hard to get help, not helped by the fact many men shirk their responsibility here too.
As a society, in my opinion, we put too much pressure on being or becoming a mother. It’s assumed it’s the natural choice every girl has to make. And if they find themselves pregnant it’s implied they have to give up what they wanted to do just to rear the baby. Rarely is the father’s role in this scrutinised.
In the past women were put on a pedestal for their role of being a stay-at-home mother. The system changed over time as we now have more choices. However, as I said in the opening paragraph, I wonder if it’s just systems changing and not mindsets. Society refers to women who are ‘old fashioned’ in the present day as ‘wifey.’ This mindset puts more pressure on mothers to act this way and makes them feel like they can’t be themselves anymore, which is why they sometimes don’t want to be a mother in the first place as they feel they will lose their identity.
Speaking about role models, I can’t think of a more appropriate one than Mary Robinson, elected in 1990 as Ireland’s first female president. She spent her entire life campaigning for women’s rights and demanding the right to contraception (as far back as the early 70s before it was trendy!), as well as calling for the legalisation of divorce, allowing women to sit on juries and the right to legal aid in civil legal cases in Ireland. She is, over time, Ireland’s most popular president, at one point winning 93% rating among the electorate. She then went on to be the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights where she continued to do great humanitarian work. Robinson was succeeded as president by Mary Mac Aleese (legal advisor to the Campaign for Homosexual Law Reform from 1975 to 1979) and someone who has stood up fearlessly against discrimination. Both admirable role models.
From the entertainment business another role model is Hollywood actor Kate Winslet, famously known for her role as Rose in James Cameron’s Titanic. In a recent interview with ITV’s Lorraine, she talked about working with her daughter, Mia Threapleton, on Dominic Savage’s brilliant ‘I am Ruth.’ The mother of three talks about how mothers find it difficult raising teenagers in this generation, especially since the onset of social media. She told Lorraine how she spoke with the director, Dominic Savage, before filming the show about ideas they had around being a parent to teenagers, which inevitably led to the topic of mental health. They discussed how mental health is impacted so much by social media and the unrealistic view it offers to teenagers often resulting in them feeling alienated from their family. The show covers difficult yet truthful topics, lifting the lid on the fractured relationship many young girls have with their mother today. This breakdown, and the dynamic played out between mother and daughter on Channel 4’s ‘I am Ruth’ makes it compelling viewing. You can still catch up with it on demand which I would highly recommend.
To finish off I would like to say a big thank you to all the women who have changed our futures for the better. Also to all the mammies out there who raised us, without whom we wouldn’t be here. Your good deeds will never go unnoticed.