Herbert Park to be Redeveloped

Dubliners will shortly see the end of this beautiful view

Dubliners will shortly see the end of this beautiful view

A building developer has announced major plans for the redevelopment of Herbert Park.

Robin Banks informed NewsFour that he has been given the go-ahead for a major building project to replace Herbert Park with a shopping mall, car park and amusement park.

The plan encompasses a 10-storey shopping mall with an underground car park, which can also be used as a spillover car park for the RDS. Mr Banks insisted that the shopping centre will be full of high-end shopping outlets. “There will be no bargain shops allowed here,” he insisted.

The shopping mall will have seven floors of outlets with two restaurants, three cafes, an Ann Summers shop, a children’s play and drop-off zone, and will be connected by a maze of elevators and Mercedes Golf Carts.

“This will be a lovely development,” said Banks, “replacing an unnecessary park that was of no use to anyone except the homeless. In fact, I have allocated a few basement sheds to the homeless within this project.”

Mr Banks’ Head of Project, Jack Hammer, was also available for comment. He said he was looking forward to the demolition part of the project. “Particularly the duck pond. I hate ducks,” he said. “Yes, I’ll be first in on the digger on-site. I like to get my teeth into ripping up these green spaces, they are useless spaces in the city.” The developer Mr Banks could be seen nodding vigorously to this statement.

NewsFour has also learned of the formation of a local opposition group called the Grand Alliance of Senior Citizens and Little Ones Protection for Herbert Park Society, who are planning blockades of the park. A pensioners’ subgroup will mount the “pensioners’ lock-in” strategy, which will aim to lock a chain formation of senior citizens to the gates and entrances of Herbert Park. The other subgroup, composed of creche workers with their young children, will plan on surrounding the workers in a ring-a-ring-a-rosy and distracting them with children’s songs such as “Old McDonald had a Farm”.

Robin Banks insisted that these groups will have no effect on the building as Irish Worker security crews will be seconded to the project, having built up a particular class of expertise in keeping the “unwanted” away from construction operations.

By Ferg Hayden