Spy Poles Predict Tsunami

Pic: David Reddy

Pic: David Reddy

DCC have last night defended their decision to install Spy Poles on Coast Road in Sandymount, stating that the decision has saved many lives.

The spy poles were installed last December under the guise of Tidal Monitors, but one eagle-eyed Sandymount resident, Tarquin Nouvelle from Park Avenue, could not be fooled, and urged NewsFour to look into the matter.

An extensive investigation revealed that it is necessary for DCC to be that big, so that they can transfer calls to other departments who are not in a position to help either. In a statement to NewsFour, a spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous said, “It’s not our section that deals with that.”

It was only when a stealthy local councillor swiped some confidential documents during a council meeting, that the true purpose of the poles was revealed. “I am no stranger to prison, but this is a matter of national security. I’ll take my chances”, NewsFour was told.

Finally NewsFour put it to the City Council that if there is indeed a threat to National Security, that it should be a matter of public knowledge and that more transparency on these issues is required. However, a straight answer from the Council was again averted when a Tsunami Warning was issued just before they were about to speak.

An evacuation order was withheld last night as local businesses refused to leave, saying “What if our lives aren’t at risk?” A local group has already complained that the money would have been better spent on hanging baskets, to which the reply was, “December is not hanging basket season.”

NewsFour asked Mícheál Íasc from Met Éireann for his opinion. “We have to accept the fact that we are in Ireland and a tsunami prediction is likely to be about as effective as the weather forecast. There is a one in a billion chance – so, yes, there is a chance.”

Maria Shields O’Kelly